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Contemplation

This could quite possibly be my last semester of nursing school. If I am unable to pass these two nursing classes that I am taking, I cannot move on. So, if I don't pass, my only question is: What was God's plan in all of this?

I've hypothesized that maybe I needed the nursing skills in order to take care of someone, or perhaps I needed them to have better empathy. It's also possible that I'm suppose to go into a field that requires a nursing mindset that I wouldn't have otherwise had.

If I don't pass, will I feel like I've wasted the last three years and 30k that I won't ever get back? I don't know. It depends on where my future leads me I guess.

If I'm supposed to stay in nursing, then I'll pass these two courses. If not, well ... then I'll be looking for a job in December and looking into a new major.

No big deal, right?

I really hate this.

You know how you can have a really awesome day, and then it just takes one person to ruin the whole thing? And then you hate yourself, that person, and the whole freaking world? That's how I feel right now.

I'm sick of family. I'm sick of 'friends'. I'm sick of nursing school. I'm sick of my university. And I'm most certainly sick of guys.

Speaking of: If you are a friend, please, do me a favor and shoot me in the face if I ever use heinous words such as 'dating', 'marriage' or 'boys'. I will NEVER, EVER trust a guy like I did before. They lie. They hurt. And the pain is just not worth it. I have found that in the last 6 months I am a thousand times happier being single than I ever was in a relationship.

Still, I'm not totally happy and I don't know that I ever will be. Like, I want a relationship with someone who loves God more than he loves me, who doesn't use profanity, who treats me like he actually loves me, and the list goes on and on and on. But, in all honesty, I don't think such a guy exists. Anywhere. Guys are jerks. They are selfish. They only want one thing. If you don't give them that one thing then they will hurt and manipulate you until you do--or at least they will try (luckily, I had a God who loved me enough to protect me, but I still ended up emotionally damaged).

And another thing (I'm sooooooo sorry for the string venting .. but I really need it), the whole friend thing? I know I have a lot of friends number wise, but I still feel like I don't have any friends. There is NO ONE (except for my Savior) whom I trust enough to tell anything to. I don't even feel comfortable enough to talk to the one person who has been my best friend for the last five years (although there was a loooong break from each other during that five years).

I just...honestly, I don't know. I don't trust people anymore, and I think that that is the only way that I'm not going to get hurt.

I think that trust is the most dangerous thing in the world. If you trust someone, it leaves you open to get stabbed in the heart.

Dear MasterCard,

The payment I sent on Saturday shows that it went through. Hurry up and give me back my credit limit so I can put more tuition on you!!! ><

<3- Kimmie

My brother has swine flu, and 20 some other kids in his school all have it ><. I'm ODing on Vitamin C so I don't get it. And I'm steering clear of him. I'm also spraying my room with plenty of Lysol, and I'm making sure to drink like I've already got it.

On the brighter side of the grey rainbow, I made two sales last week and neither of them were from my groups. I have no clue where they came from, but I'm super thankful for them. I really needed the money for food and much needed recreation.

I left a stack of business cards at a local ice cream shop. I feel empowered.

I figured it out!!

THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HELPED!!

In the end, I broke down crying and my dad--who owns his own business in Colorado--helped me figure out some things. According to the Colorado Revenue site, I guess I don't have to have a sales tax license in CO until I make $1,000 or more.

However, I need to collect the tax from CO residents which is just 2.9% from non El Paso County residents and 7.4% from El Paso County residents. For credit card payments, paypal can just add it on for me. For all other payments, it just has to be added to the total price. When I file my taxes I fill out an easy little form, calculate what I owe, and send it all in with a check with my other taxes.

Additionally, I don't HAVE to register my business until I make 1k or more, unless I want to claim the business name as mine and only mine. Even then, the fees for the sales tax license is under $20 for 2 years, and to register the business name I know it's under $50 but I'm not sure what it is yet. Also, I can do both ONLINE! Yay!