You know how you can have a really awesome day, and then it just takes one person to ruin the whole thing? And then you hate yourself, that person, and the whole freaking world? That's how I feel right now.
I'm sick of family. I'm sick of 'friends'. I'm sick of nursing school. I'm sick of my university. And I'm most certainly sick of guys.
Speaking of: If you are a friend, please, do me a favor and shoot me in the face if I ever use heinous words such as 'dating', 'marriage' or 'boys'. I will NEVER, EVER trust a guy like I did before. They lie. They hurt. And the pain is just not worth it. I have found that in the last 6 months I am a thousand times happier being single than I ever was in a relationship.
Still, I'm not totally happy and I don't know that I ever will be. Like, I
want a relationship with someone who loves God more than he loves me, who doesn't use profanity, who treats me like he actually loves me, and the list goes on and on and on. But, in all honesty, I don't think such a guy exists.
Anywhere. Guys are jerks. They are selfish. They only want one thing. If you don't give them that one thing then they will hurt and manipulate you until you do--or at least they will try (luckily, I had a God who loved me enough to protect me, but I still ended up emotionally damaged).
And another thing (I'm sooooooo sorry for the string venting .. but I really need it), the whole friend thing? I know I have a lot of friends number wise, but I still feel like I don't have any friends. There is NO ONE (except for my Savior) whom I trust enough to tell
anything to. I don't even feel comfortable enough to talk to the one person who has been my best friend for the last five years (although there was a loooong break from each other during that five years).
I just...honestly, I don't know. I don't trust people anymore, and I think that that is the only way that I'm not going to get hurt.
I think that trust is the most dangerous thing in the world. If you trust someone, it leaves you open to get stabbed in the heart.